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aftercare​.​.

by A. Ripdae la Wise Escobar

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1.
Social: Deaths are the metronome ticks, so double time comes with a kick, breathing is whatever joke you make it, exhale in, to barter with men, you’re as valuable as the time you spend covered in reminders of hell. Fuck, my brother is 20. You know it went by so fast the years felt like counting by seconds, empty new minutes, reincarnation, someone else in the mirror, the perk of beginners, multiple sinners, feelings non-wilted. Summer in the evenings, needless to say, bullets don’t celebrate during parades, they raid, so fade will the fraudulent go, his parents said “be vicious when you’re being a hero” or it’s fake you know like being passive about an abortion date til it’s too late, a bullet to the late great cranium shows confetti, colorful soft dreams not affected by demons, in parenthood... Everything valuable is easy to hide, when you’re messy enough to sell amongst the sale floor stuff. Standing saying buy this when you really mean hear this, no commission so you accept tips, your code of ethnics is to relish. Foyer Foil: Son of Sam enters, you know the price they put on your head, betting you’ll repeat dying before your laid out dead for toms to remove. Oh groove with me sinister, I’m practically a visitor, in the season of the stiff breeze and cold knees, the soreness is the fact you could die over new trees, the roots of greed, niggas fuck around hitting legacies to build a dynasty, foul taking an eye for an owl, soul for a gown, I can’t fathom sailing on tombs like hotep blues in a towel, wrapped for Nile monsters, while being a tool for hot head tempers, I might lose my will to live like Van Gogh being shot by a teenager.
2.
Too much hand, too much hand they say I give you, as if you & your mother never seen my near death, hit and laid out like I’m dead or a fish out of water, picked to kiss death, came to, first thing I bought was a stroller, then a crossbow after the rapture. Holier than targets, needing me to trust they’re best at organizing my marriage, the world’s carnage is just. Trusting me is hard when you’re off guard in need, lets find our way out before the human sees us, read us, catch us with souls intact, mole fresh and all they hit you with the pretty guns too, pepper scene like a dream bullets, jewels & fortunes, family says take the money, and please don’t take our future. Call them beggars, that’s the recoil, but you weren’t there when they killed at the revote, society’s remote, and so we think it is, people kill to be the craziest when lazy with choice, choosing decapitation because they think that’s ahead of a life, they couldn’t be more last place than religion in the Olympics. Bottle caps no grass, I confess abuse, loaded rotted cap, the future obtuse, lonely with jokes, flavored with floats, floatin stories untold, secrets, I blank my life but fuck it here goes. I’m bothered by perversion, like everybody else, but my kink is to transgress so please be yourself, we can make sense later when guns go pop, or we can meet halfway now when the fathers go dumb, in front of their sons, with memorable puns, loser of people, greed scheming, dying to grieve, losing sleep by the sleeve.
3.
Fathom notions of my son learning from the core of jumbies, I’m sinning, but trying my best, leaning west. Sharp. Now how do I teach when there’s rage in my heart? I live to protect, my comfort is being his bite when he barks. As whoever approaches stark of mine, he’ll grow to be a man of his own prone to kindness, shatters with reminders of when the world deserved real angels, niggas creep around corners looking for a playful eyeful from me. But my eye contact has no contact if the contact is fake food. Aramíz, evitar el abismo. The food for thought is you’re a baby in limbo. Earth is a sham, & our hearts ain’t the limit of where your smiles will land. Under covers, overdose sheets for dead simps. Death is order, until you rise to give breaths. Under covers, overdose sheets for dead simps. Death is order, until you rise to give steps.
4.
Jolene: Marijuana and cigarettes I guess that’s better than alcohol and Percocets I’d rather take a hit Than take a blow to my mental state circus tent I leak smoke from the knife wounds left in my back. But through the hollow arrow holes riddled throughout my chest you can see a sunset. Somewhere I am happy And the vivid colors of my memory resurfaces. If I could paint all of life’s secrets into one canvas. Would you purchase it? Relish in an immortality that you could never forget. Life is a hornets nest I’m not exactly sure what she’s capable of just yet, And gods forbid that she goes left unchecked I think of you and time resets I wish I could rewind to when we were happy. Like my favorite song on a cassette. Consume me into a nervous sweat I love you but late at night thoughts of you make me feel the loneliest. Myself: Shortened pipe dreams of grand schemes obscured the scope we use to see, & identify greed, I believe the tragic while manic, the totem is profit coming to you so kind, while spines miss protection from the divine. Watch your own back, cause 6 is the mark, devils looking for a backstab session as if you had a connection, I remember art class. Do you remember art class? When the pain crept on you, then took you, to blow your stash super fast, without even an immature ask. Straight to the point, avoiding the sass. The pain brushed against the paint, now the reds are darker for a canvas that’ll somehow live to be a martyr. The sunset limits itself until you rise, limited death, catch a train for a life. Calm abbreviations in relation to sinking, calm abbreviations in relation to thinking. The sunset limits itself until you rise, limited death, catch a train for a life. Calm abbreviations in relation to sinking, calm abbreviations in relation to thinking. Carl: Il avait pris son sac et s’était levé pour traverser le comté. Allant par des endroits qu’il n’avait jamais vus. Mais aviez-vous celui qui voulait se mêler à la fête ? Après avoir écrit les directions sur un bout de papier, il avait commencé sa marche pour manger. Attendait l’autobus. Souriant à un passant qui lui parlait. Mais aviez-vous vu l’être obscurci qui allait vers le monde ? Il avait vu Disneyland, les larges routes, et d’autres choses qu’on ne voit qu’en Californie. Il se mêlait à cet univers mouvant. Mais aviez-vous, au crépuscule, le paria qui figeait ? Arrivé près de son adresse cachée, il scrutait, tant qu’il y avait du soleil, les horizons de son monde. La réponse à ses questions se trouvait là, tout près. Mais aviez-vous, celui qui échouait à tout jamais ? Aviez-vous vu l’habitant qui abandonnait sa vieille gageure, à qui on brisait le corps et l’âme, dans la nuit de Californie ? The sunset limits itself until you rise, limited death, catch a train for a life. Calm abbreviations in relation to sinking, calm abbreviations in relation to thinking. The sunset limits itself until you rise, limited death, catch a train for a life. Calm abbreviations in relation to sinking, calm abbreviations in relation to thinking.
5.
Bugs on the corner gritty intersections bumps of crumbs, models expire. When my son turned one I told myself tame your rage, watercolor on the page, Jerusalem days, text in water blood stream in order, my lines hit, lurking with gifts. Rap niggas say they can’t rap to my shit, boom bap that, boom bap this without a boom bap hit, another boom bap baby looking for boom bap shit so they can boom bap fib. Enough of that analysis, the temperament of society is meaningless, somewhat no guts to spill, ironic for a meal. While the traffic in the Red Light grows, not enough focus on the hoes who brainwash, dirty waters of perversion creep into the pilled minds of women with leadership skills. So what’s the parlance? You ain’t a pussy if you piss with no hands. I don’t care if you’re family, if you disgust me you disgust me, and that don’t come with a participant trophy. Mike:
6.
Counting density, human pleasantries, bet he won’t eat if his melody is agony, bet he won’t sleep if his summer sets like his day dreams, when dogs fly, they piss in the clouds as loud as they breathe. Selfish in a tunnel. She walked the other way during rape, the rubble of mankind is fate till a late fee, but I can’t avoid the troubles pay me double, a beach bum for a day, this is how I play, pissed using stained pads for wipers, strutting along a weak path for fighters, grotesque inside us, mutiny for jewelry, family is tough, I can show you scripture that’ll take your fuckin’ head off, breath in phlegm while you cough, it’s only death, I show you the gods, I can show the odds, of venomous pods, for saving the code of the cods, the future may be bright or that’s the sun playing us, pulling our chain, because something smells funny about the rain. Dust Mite:
7.
Sordid insides no drum for the bum, tongue of someone see him as scum, rain fall, tossed from side the side, the storm of eye, centered bliss will kiss misfits in life. Oscillate or ostracize, Father Time can’t decide as the sandman sleeps, we usually don’t have time to grieve as death schemes from the creeks of knees, older than I, as crime waves try to die, a gun ain’t a gun when the shooter cries, to kill to kill to kill to kill, I lose sleep to protect the field oh the field, paranoia decoy. A flower blooms recoil over soul, tampered earth from here to Africa, I’m from St. Thomas, as calypso killers move weight to the ocean, peace won’t come with the potions. Shabaaz:
8.
Guitalk 02:32
And who’s the king, who wrote the songs you sing when leadership stings, in power are the troopers looking for abusers during isolation, kill them screams the nosy hypocrites to protest, death is tempting, survival of the fittest, niggas creepin’ on a hit list over slight shit, petty peeps lose focus, killing the smallest, losing guidance at heart, abortion of a soul because they didn’t dart the suicide pic, the classroom’s lit, hell as a kid. She said pass the bumps to whoever’s bum enough to step on a stone, not a fighter not a harmer at all, his gristle’s soft because money’s involved, tragic, the feeling’s dark like when I came across Havoc, during panic from my mother, the heart is a controller in order to flaunt us. Sugar daddies with temper enough to tamper you into Earth like sorta reverse birth for wanting a drug,, life’s better than hugs, realer, I find hope in the most dirty of muds, potholes & such, economic growth hide your hope when you see Hollywood’s rope, a knot of coke for your little girl, your world when thinking of importance till you tell her what divorce is, you pour on the carnage battered pilot of doom, the hole you fell into is only a bowl, take a hit to climb out and visit the old, nostalgia trip touching the soul.
9.
Needs: Eye contact, it’s all real rap behind a mask like MF DOOM with his gats, straight shootin’ facts, bullets stand corrected when you’re living, cream of the crop, I got hit by a car, nigga god shot me, war of the worlds, I could’ve lost my mind but now we settle for the crazy, not lazy I’m hazy, father of all kind of mutants, including a human, life’s cool like me, or the trash we be, fuckin’ up the breeze, quarantine feels green, look at how it feels free, so take advantage, even when they say you can’t breathe outside without calling them, harassing them, fiending for a slim necklace or a stretcher, you’re incredible yet a voter is sometimes an edible, but hardly favorable, when the high goes people die for a favor, and this is a continuous flow in April, as if pseudo spring is an indicator. Look feel mudda skunt, look feel mudda skunt, it don’t take much to stumble. Look feel mudda skunt, look feel mudda skunt, it don’t take much hurt us. Look feel mudda skunt, look feel mudda skunt, it don’t take much to stumble. Look feel mudda skunt, look feel mudda skunt, respect is earned with purpose. My story is to live a life brighter than my mom’s coats, but simple ain’t easy when damsels come around to be yours, I always dream of dogma on surfaces of love yous and lowblows, socket knowledge. My mother took lissa’s number from my pants pocket, because I could’ve popped her with her fourth kid, speaking childish, that’s when the Giants won the shine, 17 with a smile, figured I took miles, yet yards from my heart, the pain I won’t start, not now, let it idol in perpetual quiet, mites are jealous, reckless hecklers, during adolescence, essence of grind, no matter how old you get you still have to get fresher with time. So when Lissa maybe sold sex to security I was seeing her age, because desperation comes easy when you’re not turning the page, creepin’ on still, if the present was for forever she would’ve died before showing me pure, some feel what they dissed, like wanting tap water in their mother’s crib for them to drink, I love how bitter memories live. Delicate: You know I try to sleep, yeah I grieve I’m not a woke nigga, common sense is common until the chocolate turns vanilla, Islam upon us, slit throats, it gets cold like Coates about his son in the cold, art shriveled with gold are mixtapes, street dates of verbal heatwaves from wordsmiths, we’re crazy, & for it we’re crazy with verses. For us the cause is where the course is, with a knowledge page that’s white, so who’s searching for the deep dark secrets of life. Soul is dark, soul is heart, fuck around to the feel the spark, youthful trouble, youthful trouble. D&F Domo: This God body interconnected with annunaki, 5% of the population know Jesus is not gonna save me, behavior might seem crazy, to all believers, sipping corona while I'm writing this verse causing cabin fever, i dont understand it, yeah you pitched a proper campaign but it was underhanded, mind of a jedi forced my hand when, uh you tried to take my life at the end of the barol, stripes we earned in the hood had us in cages like carols shit is crazy.
10.
Spread (The Comps) A fashioned caucus causes hysterical loss in era covid to feel anointed, it’s enough to rub eyes into prayer till August. Still seeing grim, so slim the future, forgetful soon maybe like grandma Bula, family time I used up I miss them maybe, but family’s good while I’m hazy, the world don’t revolve & evolve around me me me, still I am here here hear, I breathe breathe breathe, losing steps at the speed of lets kill me. Controlling narrative schemes, seeing obscene, trustworthy comes subjective, out of work so I see more reckless, heckle to feel free if that’s what you need, they don’t tell you that essential is also a man made machine derived from confusing dirty work fiends. Peep this, neon vests are soldiers, Homeland sends work orders without guns or masks, but the money comes quicker than desperation ass out, the system is so bad everyone at work now is a sellout maybe, and when it’s racial we might see a loss of sane in parents, raising life & being married during this feels like the pandemic to some & that’s why they die or run. Bless you bless you, Pope Greg is dead so he ain’t your hero. Bless you bless you, please please please goes the hostage in a situation they’re non-essential, please please please goes the hostage in a situation they’re non-essential. Bless you bless you, Pope Greg is dead so he ain’t your hero. Bless you bless you, please please please goes the hostage in a situation they’re non-essential, please please please goes the hostage in a situation they’re non-essential. Alice: As the white emperor said “My culture is not having a culture” I pondered about sacrifice, as I realize emotion is only paradise, shit, forgive me, that wasn’t suppose to rhyme. I feel eloquent but I’m not the narrator of this story nor the author, I’m something different entirely.
11.
myself: We’re ahold of damage god may audit just to show worlds of pseudo victims, yet some deserve the allegations, misinterpretations & mean symbols. Everyone ain’t an angel axed off the list of good guys, check the pride at the door because the price of attention comes with secret trolls on a sliding totem talking bout what you owe ‘em, pride, I was born this way wont die as long as cry babies cry, I leaked for a while, near death is my style but I can still kill, still kill, still kill, capable of roadkill, general pop. I feel my life ain’t all I got, go figure in aww, Dadaism in stars. What I owe you? What I owe you? Heartbroken motherfuckers step to the post. What I owe you? What I owe you? Heartbroken motherfuckers lets have a toast.
12.
Clown Dot US 02:02
My mother & father in the tree before me, someone else’s seeds felt green, so lets observe the scene, textured violent creators of the narrator, lets hurt something, kill something, I dream so tough, people sometimes have me thinking the worst, like creeping on the side of a hearse stealing codes from a purse left behind by the fainted, you’re not dead so losing your soul now is tinting, walking the edge, shootin’ but not shootin for dead, you lost yourself in whatever promise you said when you were different, you’re human pendejo you’re human. Chorus: Lovely, homely, violence, vi vi violence.
13.
Disgrace, fresh store from school, stealin’ snacks I felt I had to eat, hittin’ crazy licks. Disgrace, fresh store from school, stealin’ snacks I felt I had to eat, hittin’ crazy licks. The feel of pandemonium, I hit you a brick, build a house for me self sufficient wrist, I won’t a move a hill to see shitty, fuck the Lizzies for now, I’m like a mad cow right? Standing knocking hoarding lit in literature, a fourth wall minister. Cuttin’ lunch to speak munch, fuck around I show you a dunce, I don’t mean much when my demon erupts, ask about me, lonely till I’m angry, kinda, I killed to be here, hush hush, you don’t hear much, I discuss the disgust, my past is a fuck up, listen to the sane nuts. Bad inclinations fresh off vacatin’ I told Sara life ain’t always how you date it, I told Kas she’s the peace I’ve been fuckin’ barely huggin’ I’m the cause of my own disruption in our coven, see me hug him or shoot to kill I take it in blood with my deers in the field, I hunt when I feel life as thrill. Disgrace, fresh store from school, stealin’ snacks I felt I had to eat, hittin’ crazy licks. Disgrace, fresh store from school, stealin’ snacks I felt I had to eat, hittin’ crazy licks. Baby B: How can she expect anyone to see her worth if she doesn’t even think she belongs on Earth? She wants to make everyone proud but can’t even tell herself out loud “I am good enough” “you’re the best, thank you” they tell her but they’ve never shown her “Stand up for yourself, you deserve better they insist. But they don’t know, she doesn’t want to exist. She is I. I is she. Yeah... me. They don’t know why I do it. ADHD! I get the damage. “Hardworker!” They cheer. Burnout I fear.
14.
Desert Cats 03:37

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released May 10, 2020

by A. Ripdae la Wise Escobar.

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